you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
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