So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
