absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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