Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
