so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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