hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
