..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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