grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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