i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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