A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Randomize
