WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
