So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
