and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Randomize
