please come you make the beer taste better
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
