If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
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