YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Randomize
