Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize