I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
