I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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