she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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