God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
