So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize