I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
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