I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
