y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I skipped work to stalk him.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
