dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
