Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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