were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Randomize
