Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
