I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
