Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
