I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
