We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
