Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
