How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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