Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
