I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
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