We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
