yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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