I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
