Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I smell stomach acid.
handjob tips. give me some.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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