And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Randomize
