Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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