Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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