In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He did a backflip because drugs
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