Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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