I just saw a hot homeless man
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
