i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
When did angry sex become our thing?
You pole danced in your parka.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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