Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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