I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
