I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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