don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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