69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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