Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
