You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
