Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
