This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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