escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
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