turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
