I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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