In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
