can u get pink eye on your cock?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
