you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
