I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
