His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
