she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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