I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
