It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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