butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
