Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
