Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
