The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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