I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
