he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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