I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
