you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
