I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
