She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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