I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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