So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
