4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize